Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Living with Women

I read an opinion piece the other day about Lesbian households. The writer argued that Lesbians tend to be happier couples because the distribution of work comes pretty close to even. 

"studies have shown time and time again that no matter how progressive and feminist and smart and supportive a husband is, it’s still very statistically likely that he does less than 50% of household chores, regardless of the division of labor outside the home between he and his wife. But the upshot of that is that most American women have developed a pretty insane skill set as far as balancing demanding jobs out of the home as well as the demanding job of doing all the work inside the home, on top of caring for a family. When both heads of the household are women, that’s a lot of skills being brought to bear."

Truth! Whenever my sister is over or my mother comes to stay things get done. Dishes cleaned, floors get swept, trash taken out, laundry folded and put away, kids dressed, hair combed. It all gets done without a plea having to be sent out or even a word uttered. 

Maybe I am going to start living with women? It's a thought. At least I will be living with someone who comes with some of the same ideas and perspectives on life. For instance she wouldn't walk over toys 100 times and still NEVER put them away. I wouldn't have to have an emotional breakdown every time I become overwhelmed with the burden of caring for the family. Why, because she would be right by my side doing it all with me. 

I do joke here, I am not going to live with women, but it is a thought to be considered, like I stated in the last post.....Why do we allow these men to get away with doing 50% less than us? SERIOUSLY!

I wish my husband was a woman,

Saturday, February 19, 2011


Are we as women truly treated equally? I am serious here. Take a moment and think about it? Does society treat us fairly? Do we treat each other fairly?

I have written before about ROLES and I have ranted about them too. As I write this I don't rage or rant rather I ask the serious question if we as women are doing ourselves a disservice when we take on the majority of the work load for our families. I see this played out all the time. I know there are exceptions to the rules, and I love seeing those, but mostly I see us women working our asses off to please our men, care for our children, ourselves, and our friends. We do it all! Once we were the 50's housewife. Now we are that AND some!

Here is my inventory:

I organize (5 peoples LIVES and SHIT)
I clothe 5 people
I research my interest
I manage the social, medical, and work calendars
I am the party planner
I am the family photographer
I discipline
I listen to music
I manage 3 children's schedules
I manage the household nutrition (menu plan, shop, cook)
I am the family finance manager
I work
I keep us connected to friends
I veg out on TV
I file
I educate

And I am sure much more. You see that we as women juggle a tremendous amount in our lives. Even without children we juggle a lot. ALL while having washed hair, a little rouge on, and fashionable attire. We make concerted efforts to connect with our friends and family. We are constantly feeling and doing. We don't shut down often, because if we do our worlds would fail. And what has this done? What have we really accomplished? Have we just perpetuated the inequality in society? We have forced everyone to be reliant on us; children, men, friends, family.

I like to think of myself as liberated yet I see I am not. I don't allow equality to enter my life. I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF. I like the punishment maybe? I certainly like the control!

I can't anymore. I refuse to DO IT ALL. I refuse to become the martyr. Today I demand of myself no longer an A+ lifestyle or the I-can-do-it-all woman. I accept B-. I do what is needed and let the rest go. (NOT going to be easy for me, but I have to. I have to force equality this way. I have to find a balance. I accept my responsibilities but will not take on more than that. Or more than I can handle).

Let's see how it goes.

Searching for equality Annie

Friday, February 18, 2011

Raging Storm

The rain pours down hard. The sky lost its blue beauty and rushed to grey all to quickly, I didn't even have time to say goodbye. I started to feel a bit reflective...

Lately I've been forced to confront the central issue of what this blog has become: Life Does Not Turn Out Like You Planned. We all grow up with dreams and hopes. Constructing visions of what our lives will be like. Some of which are created from desire, but at the same time greatly influenced by what society tells us we 'should' desire. Then we move forward and make choices. We follow a path laid before us. And then LIFE....boom...we are living it.  We are on a path built out of part choice. I say part, because do we REALLY truly choose our lives or are they chosen for us? (Well at least up to a certain point. Meaning I didn't choose to have a divorced family. I didn't choose my religious upbringing, etc. You get where I am going.) How do you reconcile when the life you lead does not match up to the life you imagined and created in your dreams? Isn't that one of the big questions we all have? Isn't that where the tension of life lies? For me it is, and maybe for you too.

What do we do with that tension? I have no idea.
What I do know is this. I choose to start taking control of my life choices. I choose to find happiness where ever I can. I realize I must work through my past in the present. I cannot live in the 'what if', regret, or in the promises of the future. I must grasp the moment I am in. I must embrace who I was and who I have become. The truth is that I would not be ME without the past and the present.

As the storm rages on outside my window and I meditate under the glow of this computer screen, I take joy in knowing the storm inside me just might be calming.