Monday, September 27, 2010

Cleaning Lady

I know I am spoiled. I accept that fact and own it::::: I have not cleaned my house in over 6 years. I've paid for someone else to clean it, but I personally have not scrubbed this place top to bottom.

I mean why would I do anything myself when I have a CEO husband that is essentially my Sugar Daddy? Well, that would be a nasty little thing called a RECESSION. "They" say the recession has ended, yet if I have to fire my house cleaners and do it myself I certainly think there is still a recession going on. H-e-l-l-o! This past weekend was the first time I had to do all 2,700 square feet on my own. It sucked plain and simple. Swiriling toilet bowls, mopping piss, and scrubbing hard water stains is not my idea of a relaxing weekend. I tried to enter into my new role as housecleaner with a get 'er done attitude. Quickly it morphed into I-hate-this-fucking-shit-hole, and why is my family so disgusting and where-are-my-rubber-gloves kind of sucky attitude. I kept thinking to myself, how can one week produce this much grime and dirt? Holy's like cows live in here! 

So after 2.5 hours of cleaning I still hadn't finished. The upstairs is yet to be vacuumed (I vote to just rip the carpet out all together. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt bacteria is living in there!). Trash cans still need to be emptied and cleaned (how can 3 trash bins get filled up to the point of overflowing with floss, dirty q-tips and snotty kleenex, so quickly?). I hadn't even touched the laundry room. Once upon a time my cleaners would wipe down the machines, mop the floors and scrub out the sink for me. NOT ANY MORE!!!!

By the end of the two hours I was stripped down to my bra and boxer shorts dripping sweat, using the word 'fuck' as an adjective AND a verb, and every muscle in my body hurt. Pretty much I am out of shape and out of practice of cleaning. Ugh. I am going to try cleaning to a playlist next week and hope that helps me make it through with a better attitude. Until then "I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT HOLE OF A HOUSE and I NEED TO BUY SOME RUBBER GLOVES."

The new cleaning lady Annie

(please stay tuned for my next post  about my dinosaur body)

Friday, September 24, 2010

I love :: I hate

Two crazy people I know have inspired me to compile a list. They like to make lists on their blog [[that I not ashamed to say that I stalk.]]  So I said to myself, "Self, you can do that too!" So here we go....

A few things on my mind lately...

I LOVE_____
1. When I get it right
2. When I can inspire the kiddos to learn by doing simple art projects. This then makes them think that I am brilliant.
3. When I am brilliant.
4. Silence. Early morning just before dawn and late night when the house creaks under the pressure of darkness.
5. Working.
6. My kiddos voices. (Not "pretend" voice because that tends to be shrill and annoying. Find this as #3 below)
7. Learning.
8. Hearing the baby laugh and then fart at the same time.
9. When FB posts make me laugh out loud...literally! (Thank you Kid and Sassy)
10. Keeping this list to 10.

I HATE_____
1. Missed opportunities.
2. Poopy pants.
3. Shrill voices, like nails on a chalkboard.
4. Drivers in their oversized SUV's...wait I am one of those people. Does this mean I hate myself? Hmmm?
5. Stubbing my toes, which happens ALL the time. I'm surprised I still have all 10.
6. Glenn Beck.
7. When my hair is frizzy. When my hair is dry. When hair grows in unwanted areas. (like those two on my chin) Ugh. I hate hair!
8. Feeling inadequate and disrespected.
9. Laundry or any other chore that requires my attention on a daily basis.
10. Being disorganized.

Side Note: I have been off my blog for a few weeks trying to assimilate into working, school, and fall busy mode so I know I neglected you. But I am back. Going to try and keep up with at least one post a week. You know what they say..."one post a week with keep the mental illness away." Of course we all know that xanex, lexapro, tequila and wine actually are the real things that keep the crazies away, but blogging about my mundane life helps too.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Questions about God.

Tonight I had an interesting conversation with my five-year old twins. They are very curious and inquisitive about everything in life. I attempt to always answer their questions with honesty and sensitivity. I love how their minds work and the incredible amount of information that they are able to retain in those developing brains of theirs.

So tonight we had a discussion about God, Jesus, flying, thunderstorms, dragons and rainbows. It all began when my little guy asked if Jesus could fly and walk on water because he was from heaven. I asked what he thought about that (a great trick to deflect answering a questions you don't have the answer to). He said, "Of course he can do anything." I said that is true. He followed up with, "Are all the things in the bible true?" (We have been having a lot of discussions about fiction vs. fact and fantasy vs. reality as of late. For instance Buzz Light Year is a character and therefor not real. Or Dinosaurs did live on the earth and were real even though they are all dead now. So you get the idea of what is bouncing around in this kids head. He is sorting out his world and trying to make sense of it in very black and white terms.) I responded to his question by saying, "the bible has many truths and some really great things to teach us." He pressed the question again by telling me that, "huge thunderstorms happen and one time God sent a rainbow to say he would never do it again." I told him that was true. He became serious and told me that all the people that lived in the bible are dead and he wanted to know why. I tried to explain that people do not live for thousands or millions of years but rather for like 90 or 100 years. It has been thousands of years since the biblical times, so yes they are all dead. I tried to explain how this is a natural process and that it is ok. But I wanted to be careful to not go down the road of "everyone dies." I could tell that little man was getting troubled. He wanted to understand and he wanted to make sense of it all.

His sister jumped in and with all the authority she could muster stated, "the bible is truth." It worked and the little man moved onto asking where God lived and how can he be in my heart. (Oh great! He is going for it tonight, I thought. I had made a point of never saying the favorite Christian phrase "he lives in your heart" to my kids. But certain, ahem, family members decided to take it upon themselves to lay out this whole ridiculous metaphor. Now how in the hell do you undo something like that and explain a metaphor to a 5 year old?  Answer: YOU DON'T!!!! So I did what I had previously in the conversation and threw the question back in the little man's court. He paused a moment and said, "He is God and he can do what he wants and be where he wants." I smiled and said, "yup".

Anyhow this entire conversation got me thinking. Or more so it got me back on a subject I have been thinking on for sometime....the facts of the Bible and Christianity. I was taught that those words written on those pages were infallible, utter and complete truth. They are God's words written on paper, not to be questioned and to be followed to the letter. I lived that way for sometime...well a LONG time..too long. Now in the past two years I really wonder about all that. Seven day creation story? Burning bushes? God writing on tablets? Flood? An arch carrying every animal species? Walking on water? Come on. Could these have been oral traditions/parables told and passed down to teach an idea, a moral or ethical way of living? Probably yes. Do I look at the Bible as black and white truth, um pretty much no. So when my kids come to me and want black and white answers and are trying to sort out their world I really am stumped. I want them to keep the wide eyed wonder of childhood but I don't want them growing up being naive like I did. I want them to take the lessons of the bible....loving others, ethics, morals, kindness, the idea of a greater power-God, a savior-Jesus, and become giving and caring adults. I want them to think for themselves and come to their own conclusions about spirituality. I don't want to force feed them. So I am left with the struggle of instilling these principals while not lying to them about my own doubts and ideas about the bible, God, and religion.

Walking the tight rope, Annie

PS. I forgot to ad that the little man also asked me if dragons were real. I would have said no, but a few months back I watched a Discovery Channel documentary about how they probably did exist. Holy fuck, who knew!?!?!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


I feel the need to write, yet I don't seem to have much to say. I am coming off a difficult two weeks (see above post). I am in the midst of preparing for a busy fall with school for the kids, their activities, my work, and house chores. Then the holidays are practically around the corner. Life seems to move too fast these days. I can't keep up or seem to get everything done that I want to. When did it all start to become such a rush all the time? The hurry up anxiety of life...

A few things on my mind of late...(1) My twins are becoming their own people. They don't rely on me like they once did. I am proud of that. On the other hand I am sad that they are moving day they will be adults, I will be older and with a few more grey hairs, they will be having adventures and living life and I will quietly wait to hear from them. In some ways I want to freeze them and their brains in this moment of their innocence. (2) Do we need all the shit we have? I recently read an article about the founder of Toms shoes, Blake Mycoskie. In it he spoke about how he sold most of his personal belongings and his home and moved onto a boat. He wanted a simpler life. I am feeling that I need that in my life...(3) Why is that when some things are going so well in your life other areas start suffering? Is this because I can't find balance? The juggling of roles, duties, and self are difficult. I am not sure I am very good at it. Honestly, when working one of my areas that always needed improvement was multi-tasking. BUT, now after three kids I think I am getting better at it. (though I admit that the laundry, dishes, closets always seem to suffer from a constant state of NEEDING TO BE DONE/ORGANIZED). (4) I need to start taking better care of myself. I am good at reminding others that they need to love and take care of their bodies, but I don't listen to my own advice. When I am stressed or depressed or on the rag I don't bother to wash my face, eat right, take vitamins, exercise...pretty much I just mope around. I want to start eating more raw veggies and fruit. I want to get my garden back in shape so I can harvest more of our own. Maybe even start composting. (5) Time to myself I need more and more. I have taken a job and that gives me something to do outside of my family. Now I need to carve out sometime to think...I only get a few minutes each day while going to the bathroom (and that is interrupted a lot of the time by little people). A few weeks back I took two hours to go sit at the beach and just listen, look, write. It was healing and it was refreshing. Somehow I need more of that. Possibly taking a run in the early hours of morning is when I should do it...

Overall I want to try and slow down. To embrace the small moments. To plan but still be spontaneous. Try to let go of anxiety and worry about the future. Let myself be who I am and what I am in the moment I am living...