Saturday, February 19, 2011


Are we as women truly treated equally? I am serious here. Take a moment and think about it? Does society treat us fairly? Do we treat each other fairly?

I have written before about ROLES and I have ranted about them too. As I write this I don't rage or rant rather I ask the serious question if we as women are doing ourselves a disservice when we take on the majority of the work load for our families. I see this played out all the time. I know there are exceptions to the rules, and I love seeing those, but mostly I see us women working our asses off to please our men, care for our children, ourselves, and our friends. We do it all! Once we were the 50's housewife. Now we are that AND some!

Here is my inventory:

I organize (5 peoples LIVES and SHIT)
I clothe 5 people
I research my interest
I manage the social, medical, and work calendars
I am the party planner
I am the family photographer
I discipline
I listen to music
I manage 3 children's schedules
I manage the household nutrition (menu plan, shop, cook)
I am the family finance manager
I work
I keep us connected to friends
I veg out on TV
I file
I educate

And I am sure much more. You see that we as women juggle a tremendous amount in our lives. Even without children we juggle a lot. ALL while having washed hair, a little rouge on, and fashionable attire. We make concerted efforts to connect with our friends and family. We are constantly feeling and doing. We don't shut down often, because if we do our worlds would fail. And what has this done? What have we really accomplished? Have we just perpetuated the inequality in society? We have forced everyone to be reliant on us; children, men, friends, family.

I like to think of myself as liberated yet I see I am not. I don't allow equality to enter my life. I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF. I like the punishment maybe? I certainly like the control!

I can't anymore. I refuse to DO IT ALL. I refuse to become the martyr. Today I demand of myself no longer an A+ lifestyle or the I-can-do-it-all woman. I accept B-. I do what is needed and let the rest go. (NOT going to be easy for me, but I have to. I have to force equality this way. I have to find a balance. I accept my responsibilities but will not take on more than that. Or more than I can handle).

Let's see how it goes.

Searching for equality Annie


  1. KITTY in Croatia =DFebruary 22, 2011 at 9:57 AM

    Amen, girl! Here's to a reality check and being happy with YOUR best...not what society (or anyone else) tells you is supposed to be your best. :)
    ps - good reminder about letting things go, as the wife/ mom! i'm also guilty of wanting to do things myself so they're done right, but it kinda sucks later, lol! i'm good at letting go of the household stuff actually, but i'm a total micro-manager with our work stuff unfortunately. good thing we only have to work together a few more months, lol! :)

  2. Also I think it can be a disservice to the children to give them the sense that WE CAN do it all. Plus they should LEARN how to do more for themselves.

    ALSO, these men of ours need to learn how to do more for themselves!!!!!!!!

  3. I find it really interesting that society SAYS it gives women a choice of having a career. But if you do, and you are not still taking on the lion share of the work at home, you are somehow neglecting the family--as though saying "Oh yes, you can have a career, but only if you do your work at home first!" (Much the way we tell children they can have dessert but only if they eat their broccoli!) That's where that pull to do it ALL comes from, I believe. Men do not have that expectation. If they work outside the home, it's because they are supposed to, right? So why should they be obligated to make a substantial contribution at home? It's not their "job", after all. But since it has historically been the woman's job to take care of the home, that transition has not been allowed for women.

    Working women carry around that guilt, often having to (or just feeling like they have to) justify their desire to work to their husbands, their friends, other moms, etc. There will be true equality when that need to justify is no longer felt...when the chores are divided by personal preference, time available, and skill rather than by default.

    You're right that part of it is giving up the need to do it--but also letting go of the obligation to be seen by others as doing it all. I struggle with this as well. If we decide to let the guys do some of these things, they may do it in such a way that it reflects poorly on us--the ones who are "supposed" to do it.

  4. Amy, so well put! Much of the pressure we put onto ourselves. How many time have I found myself feeling like I should be doing more, or COMPARING myself to others?

    Obligation: such a hard one to get over.

    I really want to strive to have a healthy perspective of myself and roles as well as how I see other women. We really do not give ourselves any grace.

  5. Wow, I'm so guilty of this one that I can barely laugh about it. I struggle with not only asking for help, but even realizing I need it until it's too late...and I'm lashing out from frustration or being overwhelmed.

    And it means I've raised a HiGHLY sensitive and high strung kiddo. Sigh. Sorry buddy. Mommy's learning this one day at a time too.