Monday, September 27, 2010

Cleaning Lady

I know I am spoiled. I accept that fact and own it::::: I have not cleaned my house in over 6 years. I've paid for someone else to clean it, but I personally have not scrubbed this place top to bottom.

I mean why would I do anything myself when I have a CEO husband that is essentially my Sugar Daddy? Well, that would be a nasty little thing called a RECESSION. "They" say the recession has ended, yet if I have to fire my house cleaners and do it myself I certainly think there is still a recession going on. H-e-l-l-o! This past weekend was the first time I had to do all 2,700 square feet on my own. It sucked plain and simple. Swiriling toilet bowls, mopping piss, and scrubbing hard water stains is not my idea of a relaxing weekend. I tried to enter into my new role as housecleaner with a get 'er done attitude. Quickly it morphed into I-hate-this-fucking-shit-hole, and why is my family so disgusting and where-are-my-rubber-gloves kind of sucky attitude. I kept thinking to myself, how can one week produce this much grime and dirt? Holy's like cows live in here! 

So after 2.5 hours of cleaning I still hadn't finished. The upstairs is yet to be vacuumed (I vote to just rip the carpet out all together. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt bacteria is living in there!). Trash cans still need to be emptied and cleaned (how can 3 trash bins get filled up to the point of overflowing with floss, dirty q-tips and snotty kleenex, so quickly?). I hadn't even touched the laundry room. Once upon a time my cleaners would wipe down the machines, mop the floors and scrub out the sink for me. NOT ANY MORE!!!!

By the end of the two hours I was stripped down to my bra and boxer shorts dripping sweat, using the word 'fuck' as an adjective AND a verb, and every muscle in my body hurt. Pretty much I am out of shape and out of practice of cleaning. Ugh. I am going to try cleaning to a playlist next week and hope that helps me make it through with a better attitude. Until then "I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT HOLE OF A HOUSE and I NEED TO BUY SOME RUBBER GLOVES."

The new cleaning lady Annie

(please stay tuned for my next post  about my dinosaur body)


  1. First of all, nobody feels sorry for you. ;) Except for your last cleaning lady, that is. YIKES. I won't complain about cleaning my tiny apartment anymore...because I realize the benefit of a tiny space! I had the big house a few years ago...and a very nice cleaning lady to go with it...but it's a gnarly job. In face, now I kinda DO feel bad for you. At least you can drink on the job! I kid.


  2. Drinking on the job is a great idea! Why hadn't I thought of that! So here is the plan: Strip to bra and undies, make awesome play list, and take a few shots before this weeks cleaning. YES! Now I really am looking forward to cleaning.

  3. What a weekend for the cleaning job, too!! Heat records I think are a valid reason to postpone cleaning. But then, you have to live in the grime all week, so maybe it would not work out so well. I did the semi-annual toy redistribution/organize everything/throw out ten bags of crap thing on Sunday, so I was thankful for the a/c!

  4. Yikes!!! No more cleaning team?? I'm so sorry; that is a big house to clean. And your life was busy enough before you had to clean it!

  5. My therapist informed me this week that I need to stop being so obsessive about the cleaning. Not sure I agree with HIM. Not sure he gets how dirty this place gets.

  6. I say fire the therapist and re-hire the cleaning lady, lol! :) Cleaning SUCKS!

  7. Kitty....good idea. PRetty much I have just stopped cleaning. I say FUCK IT! If the kitchen and the toilets don't smell I'm good. (not really, but I am trying to be. I might up my does of xanex).