Wednesday, September 1, 2010

?


I feel the need to write, yet I don't seem to have much to say. I am coming off a difficult two weeks (see above post). I am in the midst of preparing for a busy fall with school for the kids, their activities, my work, and house chores. Then the holidays are practically around the corner. Life seems to move too fast these days. I can't keep up or seem to get everything done that I want to. When did it all start to become such a rush all the time? The hurry up anxiety of life...

A few things on my mind of late...(1) My twins are becoming their own people. They don't rely on me like they once did. I am proud of that. On the other hand I am sad that they are moving forward...one day they will be adults, I will be older and with a few more grey hairs, they will be having adventures and living life and I will quietly wait to hear from them. In some ways I want to freeze them and their brains in this moment of their innocence. (2) Do we need all the shit we have? I recently read an article about the founder of Toms shoes, Blake Mycoskie. In it he spoke about how he sold most of his personal belongings and his home and moved onto a boat. He wanted a simpler life. I am feeling that I need that in my life...(3) Why is that when some things are going so well in your life other areas start suffering? Is this because I can't find balance? The juggling of roles, duties, and self are difficult. I am not sure I am very good at it. Honestly, when working one of my areas that always needed improvement was multi-tasking. BUT, now after three kids I think I am getting better at it. (though I admit that the laundry, dishes, closets always seem to suffer from a constant state of NEEDING TO BE DONE/ORGANIZED). (4) I need to start taking better care of myself. I am good at reminding others that they need to love and take care of their bodies, but I don't listen to my own advice. When I am stressed or depressed or on the rag I don't bother to wash my face, eat right, take vitamins, exercise...pretty much I just mope around. I want to start eating more raw veggies and fruit. I want to get my garden back in shape so I can harvest more of our own. Maybe even start composting. (5) Time to myself I need more and more. I have taken a job and that gives me something to do outside of my family. Now I need to carve out sometime to think...I only get a few minutes each day while going to the bathroom (and that is interrupted a lot of the time by little people). A few weeks back I took two hours to go sit at the beach and just listen, look, write. It was healing and it was refreshing. Somehow I need more of that. Possibly taking a run in the early hours of morning is when I should do it...

Overall I want to try and slow down. To embrace the small moments. To plan but still be spontaneous. Try to let go of anxiety and worry about the future. Let myself be who I am and what I am in the moment I am living...

Signed
Annie

4 comments:

  1. Those are good goals. Don't let it become a failure if you don't do everything on the list, though! Count it as a bonus for everything you improve, maybe. :)

    I've been thinking about a lot of those things too. Maybe we should have a self-improvement club, lol.

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  2. KITTY in Croatia =DSeptember 7, 2010 at 8:07 AM

    Your last paragraph reminded me of some quotes I found the other day. I was looking for something to post on Sam's FB wall for her bday, but I ended up finding a new quote for my own wall, which I think is so true:

    "It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis."
    -- Margaret Bonnano

    Like most of your posts truthfully note, our lives are made up of day-to-day minutia...watching kids, doing laundry, cooking, possibly working, maybe some date nites, hopefully some happy hours, etc.; but, it's in those small things that we have to LIVE. SMILE. BREATHE. and BE HAPPY!

    "When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past."
    -- Author Unknown

    We have to stop giving anxiety and depression permission to STEAL what is actually the whole of our lives...the moments. Like our good friend "O" says:
    "Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift."

    Ok, while it may be hard to actually think about each moment that we breathe (luv ya O, but u went a little too far there!), there are ways we can do it more practically, day by day:
    "Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto."
    -- Dale Carnegie

    Hope u liked the quotes! I practically wrote a blog entry myself today with this comment...oops. ;) Well - good luck girlfriend (and to us all)! XOXO

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  3. Hi! Thanks for the reminder, I feel ya sister. I hope each day gets better for you...as I hope it does for me too. :)

    Remember to give yourself the benefit of the doubt; you juggle more in a single day than the average person does in three days. You manage 3 small people 24/7 + yourself!

    I'm glad you got that 2 hour rest, and hope you can again soon. Just recognizing how good it was is a step in the right direction, you know?

    Hugs, A

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  4. To all...
    I am realizing that this blog has morphed into more of a journal for me. Also a way for me to completely and honestly VENT! Even though I have a few (3) dedicated readers I feel like this is a letter to the Universe...free of judgement. That feels free and it feels good.

    Kitty, those quotes are VERY encouraging. I especially like the one about anxiety. I may need to tattoo it to my forearm to remember it!

    Amy and Sassy- Thanks for the reminder to give myself a break. I am terribly hard on me and my hardest critic. So I have to remember that I have a lot going on....

    Love to you all!

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