Recently I watched the movie Howl. I initially was drawn to watch because of James Franco, my new actor crush. Then I read that it was about one of our great American poets, Allen Ginsberg. Over the last year or so I have started to read a bit of the beat writers....I find them fascinating and intriguing. The freedom of their voice, the fluid way in which they wrote, thought, lived. Admittedly I am not one that leans to the creative. I also don't have a long history or knowledge of literature. I want to learn more and soak it all in. (There are days I wish that I had paid more attention to what I found interesting in my younger days. Let my impulse and interest direct me more than my obligations and perceived expectations. Then I may have become a student of the world. Though, NOW I can do that...) All that to say that after watching the movie I wrote. Nothing thought out but released. As Ginsberg explains, from the inside....
Realizations met, expectations lost.
Stand and stare.
Fleeing from me....pushed out. Grief that there is no longer pain and sadness.
Escaped like a vapor.
Window from inside I glare. Letting go of...
grabbing the moment, expressing it, holding it.
Rolling and moving.
They create. The live. They watch and move.
Obligation to none.
I look out the window beyond that ivy wall. There lives life.
No longer there and thats why I cry.
No longer sorry.
The crow flew over. He has been absent.
Talk and fly.
Beyond the ivy wall the crow lived and moved.
Life goes on all around.
Obligation or impulse?
I Howl to no one. I Howl from within. The place that neither crow, nor man, nor woman has seen or heard.
My feelings flee from me. Consume me.
A vapor beyond the ivy wall.
Same. Same. Same. Same. Same. Same.
Da. Da. Da. Da. Da.
Beyond the ivy wall.
The same here. There. Everywhere. Same. Stir the noodles.
Cry. Pray. Wake. Sleep. Pray. Cry. We're the same.
Vapors of feelings standing behind windows. Feeling.
Push and pull.
Pull. Obligations pull.
Push. Impulse pushes.
Da. Da. Same. Same. Da. Da.
Beyond the ivy wall I want to be.
There is a howl from inside I feel stir in me frequently. I have not identified exactly what it means to me or my life but I am starting to listen and express its sentiments.
As my ipod rolled songs this one came on....aptly titled "Howl."