Monday, September 27, 2010

Cleaning Lady


I know I am spoiled. I accept that fact and own it::::: I have not cleaned my house in over 6 years. I've paid for someone else to clean it, but I personally have not scrubbed this place top to bottom.

I mean why would I do anything myself when I have a CEO husband that is essentially my Sugar Daddy? Well, that would be a nasty little thing called a RECESSION. "They" say the recession has ended, yet if I have to fire my house cleaners and do it myself I certainly think there is still a recession going on. H-e-l-l-o! This past weekend was the first time I had to do all 2,700 square feet on my own. It sucked plain and simple. Swiriling toilet bowls, mopping piss, and scrubbing hard water stains is not my idea of a relaxing weekend. I tried to enter into my new role as housecleaner with a get 'er done attitude. Quickly it morphed into I-hate-this-fucking-shit-hole, and why is my family so disgusting and where-are-my-rubber-gloves kind of sucky attitude. I kept thinking to myself, how can one week produce this much grime and dirt? Holy cow...it's like cows live in here! 

So after 2.5 hours of cleaning I still hadn't finished. The upstairs is yet to be vacuumed (I vote to just rip the carpet out all together. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt bacteria is living in there!). Trash cans still need to be emptied and cleaned (how can 3 trash bins get filled up to the point of overflowing with floss, dirty q-tips and snotty kleenex, so quickly?). I hadn't even touched the laundry room. Once upon a time my cleaners would wipe down the machines, mop the floors and scrub out the sink for me. NOT ANY MORE!!!!


By the end of the two hours I was stripped down to my bra and boxer shorts dripping sweat, using the word 'fuck' as an adjective AND a verb, and every muscle in my body hurt. Pretty much I am out of shape and out of practice of cleaning. Ugh. I am going to try cleaning to a playlist next week and hope that helps me make it through with a better attitude. Until then "I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT HOLE OF A HOUSE and I NEED TO BUY SOME RUBBER GLOVES."


Signed,
The new cleaning lady Annie

(please stay tuned for my next post  about my dinosaur body)

7 comments:

  1. First of all, nobody feels sorry for you. ;) Except for your last cleaning lady, that is. YIKES. I won't complain about cleaning my tiny apartment anymore...because I realize the benefit of a tiny space! I had the big house a few years ago...and a very nice cleaning lady to go with it...but it's a gnarly job. In face, now I kinda DO feel bad for you. At least you can drink on the job! I kid.

    Sorta.

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  2. Drinking on the job is a great idea! Why hadn't I thought of that! So here is the plan: Strip to bra and undies, make awesome play list, and take a few shots before this weeks cleaning. YES! Now I really am looking forward to cleaning.

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  3. What a weekend for the cleaning job, too!! Heat records I think are a valid reason to postpone cleaning. But then, you have to live in the grime all week, so maybe it would not work out so well. I did the semi-annual toy redistribution/organize everything/throw out ten bags of crap thing on Sunday, so I was thankful for the a/c!

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  4. Yikes!!! No more cleaning team?? I'm so sorry; that is a big house to clean. And your life was busy enough before you had to clean it!

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  5. My therapist informed me this week that I need to stop being so obsessive about the cleaning. Not sure I agree with HIM. Not sure he gets how dirty this place gets.

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  6. I say fire the therapist and re-hire the cleaning lady, lol! :) Cleaning SUCKS!

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  7. Kitty....good idea. PRetty much I have just stopped cleaning. I say FUCK IT! If the kitchen and the toilets don't smell I'm good. (not really, but I am trying to be. I might up my does of xanex).

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