Monday, November 1, 2010

I GET KNOCKED DOWN, AND I GET UP AGAIN


Let's try this blog again.


Since my last blog, life has really changed (as if it had not changed enough this summer with the new job, the engagement, and the new living situation). Those were positive changes, at first. Now, I wonder if they were all bad decisions. I wonder if someone (God, maybe) is trying to tell me something...


I say that because immediately following my move-in with Brad, I have suffered some serious blows. I get knocked down, and just when I get up, I get knocked down again, then back up again, and so on...


Until today, I don't think I have been ready to share any of it. It's not that things are getting better, I think they are actually getting worse, which is why I'm desperate for words of encouragement. I think maybe writing about it will help. It always has in the past.


I don't want to dump everything out in this one blog. I think I will go back to where I left off and bit by bit, blog by blog, record what has happened in chronological order. It will be somewhat like therapy, I hope, to revisit the events of the recent past and face it all over again.


In summary, there has been a car accident, post traumatic stress, depression, relationship strain, fraud on my bank account, a recent robbery in my home, more relationship strain, finding out my ex is married with a newborn baby, insane job stress, and bankruptcy (which I'm not ashamed to admit).


So let's go back now in time...August 4th was my last blog, when I was trying to get up the strength and will-power to go to the gym. It is so crazy, that the very next day, the downhill slide began.The very next morning, August 5th, I called up my fellow blogger, Anne-Marie, and she asked, "Well, did you get to the gym..." I shared that indeed I got there, and that blogging about it actually helped. Then as we started to discuss some personal stuff that I probably would have blogged about that evening...the unthinkable happened...SCREECH, BANG, SMASH!!!! I was in an accident...and that's exactly what I mumbled to Anne-Marie who was on the phone and heard everything. Then the line went dead...


It's a miracle, that that's all that went dead that day, and that it wasn't me, nor the cop I smashed into. My car, the cop's car, hit nose to nose. It was a head on collision. A Dodge Charger and a Saturn. Both automobiles smashed all the way to their windshields.


I want to write more about this tomorrow, and i hate to leave you hanging now, but I want to revisit this when I can upload the photo of what my car looked like. Only then can you fully grasp what occured on August 5th, the day after my last blog.


All I wanted to say tonight is that...though I keep getting knocked down, here I am, back up again...and ready to share with you...hopefully by doing so, it will help change the course of events...


Signed,

M


5 comments:

  1. The words, "...oh wow..." literally fell out of my mouth. Hugs, to infinity.

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  2. First, glad to have you back M!
    It has been a tough few months for you. The blogging I pray and hope will help you through this. I too find that getting my thoughts down help me process.

    I love you and appreciate you. You're in my thoughts and prayers. And HUGS.

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  3. KITTY in Croatia =DNovember 2, 2010 at 5:27 PM

    Ditto to what the girls already said! And it's great to 'hear' from you again...was so missing you and I'm really sorry to hear about all the crap you're going thru. What I do know is that the Marcie I know has spent many parts of her life getting kicked down, but she has always gotten back up again and kicked (and maybe screamed) her way forward, so keep doing it girl!

    I have made it my 'thing' to share cool relevant quotes with Annie related to her blogs, so now it's my turn to share a few with you (from one of my fav authors):

    “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. Please remember that your difficulties do not define you. They simply strengthen your ability to overcome.”

    “I can be changed by what happens to me; but I refuse to be reduced by it.”

    “Courage allows the successful woman to fail-
    and learn powerful lessons-
    from the failure-
    so that in the end,
    she didn't fail at all.”
    ~ Maya Angelou

    HUGS, LOVE & PRAYERS to you, friend! xoxo
    PS - keep the blogs coming! don't leave us hanging, girl, lol. ;)

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  4. I love you! All of you!!! Kitty - the best quotes EVER! Damn girl, you always rock!

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  5. Ok, I am late to reading this, but I'm glad you've started writing again!

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