Saturday, April 10, 2010

30 Ways to Sunday

"What does this title even mean," I asked Anne-Marie. She said it is a take on "six ways to Sunday"- which in WikiAnswers means, "every way possible" or "using every method possible" to get somewhere, achieve something. Since Annie and I are two 30 year old women and we're blogging about all the ways possible to survive in this decade of our lives since our methods in our 20's seemed a bit far-fetched, it only makes sense to title this blog "30 Ways to Sunday".
My brain is not functioning very well at this moment because I am sitting in the lobby of the Loews Hotel in Santa Monica, trying to eaves drop on all the conversations going on around me because there are several influential people here attending the conference I am - the NALIP 2010 conference. Filmmakers, Distributors, Studio Execs, Networks, Managers, etc. are here. Yes, I am using every method possible to make it in this industry, and one of the methods is being at this conference, learning the latest in this business, and trying to network. I guess I'm not doing a good job if I'm isolating myself on my computer but I need to write about all that is going on around me and in my head.
There is so much information to retain and while I'm excited, I am also feeling really insecure and depressed that at this age I am not as successful as a lot of these people around me. They tell their stories that they got their first job writing on a tv series at age 24, or they became an Excecutive Producer at age 28. They tell their stories of starting out at the bottom, in the mail room of an agency, as an Assistant. But I have been there, done that, BUT, and the biggest BUT, is I didn't stick with it and I went on to try different things when i should have just stayed put. Now sitting here, I feel like I might have missed out on my window of opportunity. I would have to start again, if I even can. I think people can see I might be a little burnt out, tainted, and no longer passionate enough to take anyone's bullshit to get to where I want to be. And like I said in a blog ago - they probably see my frustration that has replaced my passion.
Perhaps I need to go now and start making conversation with some of these brilliant people around me, but I do not want them to see that desperation and frustration, it doesn't attract people to me.
I remember when I could network like crazy because of my ambition or my position. Both of those has changed. But I am not above anything. I am humbled to be here, back at ground zero, listening to speakers about how to write that spec tv pilot, how to pitch, how to market your indie film, how to break into this business. Humbled, but depressed...Humbled, but frustrated...Humbled, but I want to go jump in that ocean just out the window and drown myself. But no, I cannot give up, I have to keep going. I will continue running this race. I will not look to myself but to God.
In fact, speaking of God, I sat next to a Vanguard University Alum (Annie and my alma mater) at yesterdays luncheon. He graduated the school year I came in (1998) and he's currently a Pastor, but he's living his other dream of producing a tv show as well and getting a game show on the air. He encouraged me to do everything for God and with God in the heart of it. Not make things about God, or write about God, but do my work for God instead of for myself.
I have to admit, that's hard, because even when I shared that same focus, though things were happening for me then, they kept happening even when I took God out of the heart of what I'm doing. Or maybe not, maybe since I love God so much, He's always in what I do. Whatever the case, it wouldn't hurt to turn my eyes to Him right now.
I spoke of a curse, and perhaps it is time to put an end to that curse, just like it's time to put an end to this depression and frustration. These people here did not get to where they are by sitting around complaining, and though I'm trying to polish up my writing skills, I think I've written enough now and it's time to sign off and go network. It's time go back to using all methods possible to survive this decade, to accomplish some of those goals I've had for years, if anything, it's time to go use the restroom.

- Signed

1 comment:

  1. Comparing ourselves against others never does any good. Easy to say, not easy to do. I fins myself constantly measuring myself up agains others that I see as more successful or more together than I. But, the truth of the matter is that we are all finding our path...still at 30 something.