Pandora Saves

When I am having one of those moments where I am feeling down and don't really know why, I turn on Pandora, my Cannonball station. When I am feeling like dancing I turn to my Justin Timberlake station. Then there is my everyday station, Broken Bells. I am simply in love with Pandora because I can match my music to my mood or change my mood with my music, if I so please. 

Using music to soothe and heal the soul has always helped me. Since I have no musical talent of my own, I love to listen to the creations of true musicians. The soothing voices, melodies, the strum on a guitar, or the beautiful tones of the piano. I am not real picky about my music...I know what I like and what I don't...

If it moves me I try to listen over and over. In this chaotic house filled with little voices and activity 98.9% of the day music is one of the only things I can control...and I DO! Maybe someday the kids will tell a story of how the music they heard in the background of their childhood somehow helped them...to process...to heal...to touch the soul...to alter a mood...to challenge them to create...that it somehow inspired...

Signed,

Annie

The "Witching-Shit-Spiral-Meltdown" Hour

There is a time in every day that happens when all things go to hell...It all crumbles to nothing. I am sure this happens in everyone's life. Back in my single/working days it was that last hour of the work day when the clock seemed to slow down and stop, when all I could do was stare at the seconds ticking by until I could run out of the four walls of my office. But now there is a whole new meaning to the "Witching Hour..."

3pm hits and the signs begin to show themselves...a scream, a punch in the face, or a jail break out the front door...the kids have become demons.  I take a deep breath and deal with the offender. I give myself a pat on the back for handling things so calmly. Then not even 5 minutes later another one of the demons creeps into the room and decides to throw a toy at the baby's head. Or maybe scream, "You are on my naughty list and I am not talking to you ever again!" I hit my limit at this point and blow my lid right off. No more calm and collected....I become one of the demons. I hate myself for this. I don't want to be irritated by the never ending "Mommy," "I need", "I want", or the all time most used word in this house "NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" The reality is I can only take so much and I do become irritated which then leads to an utter breakdown in the house. Everyone is tired and crying and we barely push through to make it to bed time. This happens pretty much happens each night. I usually crash at about 8pm on the couch with some kind of liquor and veg out, utterly exhausted...depleted and so wiped out I don't have the energy to even talk.

I wish that things were easier but the reality is this: Life is not easy. All you can do is embrace it all. Even in the times of chaos and meltdowns you have to take it all in. Nothing last forever and this stage will pass into something new (hopefully less irritating). For now, in the midst of the Shit Hour, I take a deep breath AND crack open a cold one. (Hey, you gotta survive the stage somehow! *hahahaha*)

Signed
Annie

Sometimes....I lock them out for just a moment of silence... *wink*