Cleaning Lady

I know I am spoiled. I accept that fact and own it::::: I have not cleaned my house in over 6 years. I've paid for someone else to clean it, but I personally have not scrubbed this place top to bottom.

I mean why would I do anything myself when I have a CEO husband that is essentially my Sugar Daddy? Well, that would be a nasty little thing called a RECESSION. "They" say the recession has ended, yet if I have to fire my house cleaners and do it myself I certainly think there is still a recession going on. H-e-l-l-o! This past weekend was the first time I had to do all 2,700 square feet on my own. It sucked plain and simple. Swiriling toilet bowls, mopping piss, and scrubbing hard water stains is not my idea of a relaxing weekend. I tried to enter into my new role as housecleaner with a get 'er done attitude. Quickly it morphed into I-hate-this-fucking-shit-hole, and why is my family so disgusting and where-are-my-rubber-gloves kind of sucky attitude. I kept thinking to myself, how can one week produce this much grime and dirt? Holy cow...it's like cows live in here! 

So after 2.5 hours of cleaning I still hadn't finished. The upstairs is yet to be vacuumed (I vote to just rip the carpet out all together. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt bacteria is living in there!). Trash cans still need to be emptied and cleaned (how can 3 trash bins get filled up to the point of overflowing with floss, dirty q-tips and snotty kleenex, so quickly?). I hadn't even touched the laundry room. Once upon a time my cleaners would wipe down the machines, mop the floors and scrub out the sink for me. NOT ANY MORE!!!!

By the end of the two hours I was stripped down to my bra and boxer shorts dripping sweat, using the word 'fuck' as an adjective AND a verb, and every muscle in my body hurt. Pretty much I am out of shape and out of practice of cleaning. Ugh. I am going to try cleaning to a playlist next week and hope that helps me make it through with a better attitude. Until then "I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT HOLE OF A HOUSE and I NEED TO BUY SOME RUBBER GLOVES."

Signed,

The new cleaning lady Annie

(please stay tuned for my next post  about my dinosaur body)

The Deed

I don't want to do it. I know it is going to break my heart to actually do it. I have been waiting 14 years to do this and I can hardly believe I am going to try today. My stomach hurts and my mouth is dry. I think I may actually be shaking a little from the nerves. AHHHHH, why does this have to be so difficult?

Alright, I need to give myself a pep talk. "I can do this! I CAN do this! I CAN DO THIS! People do this kind of thing everyday. You are going to be okay, it is going to be okay. You're not going to loose anything, you are going to be fine. Just fine." Okay, here we go I am going to admit what I have to do TODAY......

I am going to clean my FFA, farm, cowgirl, vintage (whatever you want to call them) boots off of the 14-year-old cow shit, red dirt, and hay that is still all over them. I have carefully preserved these beauties for the last 14 years. I have moved them countless times always keeping them in their original 20-year-old box. Each time I open the lid, peer in, and see them lying there covered in that sweet smelling shit. But, alas the time has come to sweep the old away and make them shiny and new. I have considered keeping some remnants of the grime so I won't forget the good ol days, but it seems a little weird.

So I am off to clean....not the kitchen or the floors but 14 years of memories.....

Signed
Annie

PS I will post before and after pics when the deed is done. Wish me luck