Break

The past 5 days I have been preparing for a trip to a wedding in the bay area. I have been cleaning the house (5 bedrooms is no small task. This alone has taken every day chipping away at the endless dirt that accumulates daily), doing load after load of laundry, organizing all the children's shit so my family can find what they need, and prepping the kids for my absence. Each day we have talked about Mommy's trip and how she will be gone for 3 days. We have had to discuss "good behavior", "good choices", being kind, using manners, the appropriate place to go potty (not in our pants, jammies, or out on the lawn), how to help Auntie find everything she needs. I have also spent a few hours preparing the schedule for the kids, writing out a medical release form, copy my insurance card in case of emergency, printing the itinerary etc. Blah, blah, blah. I mean fuck, when did it become so hard to travel? The answer is simple, when I had KIDS, not just two, but three!!! One that is still in diapers and on a schedule! ARGH.

I can say at this point that it is exhausting! When do I pack or get myself prepped? Well, that would be between the hours of 9 to 12pm. Mixed with the frustration of preparing for this relatively quick trip away is a BIG dose of GUILT! Each time I have had to have the above conversation with the kids I feel so guilty about wanting a BREAK and wanting to LEAVE. I am consumed about getting away...to have an adult weekend...to interact with ONLY adults...to only worry about myself. I know, I know I do get to leave more than a lot of parents. So that is where the guilt kicks in. I guess I am not as strong as most moms seeing that I NEED a break so frequently. Or possibly I am still clinging to the past...the days of being kid-less? I am not sure. Here is what I do know, I honestly think I am a better mom when I get these times to leave. I can feel myself coming back up to the surface and am reminded that I am not lost in the piles of laundry and housework.

So cheers, I will see you when I get back from The City.

Signed,

Annie