Equality?

Are we as women truly treated equally? I am serious here. Take a moment and think about it? Does society treat us fairly? Do we treat each other fairly?

I have written before about ROLES and I have ranted about them too. As I write this I don't rage or rant rather I ask the serious question if we as women are doing ourselves a disservice when we take on the majority of the work load for our families. I see this played out all the time. I know there are exceptions to the rules, and I love seeing those, but mostly I see us women working our asses off to please our men, care for our children, ourselves, and our friends. We do it all! Once we were the 50's housewife. Now we are that AND some!



Here is my inventory:


I organize (5 peoples LIVES and SHIT)
I clothe 5 people
I research my interest
I manage the social, medical, and work calendars
I am the party planner
I am the family photographer
I discipline
I listen to music
I manage 3 children's schedules
I manage the household nutrition (menu plan, shop, cook)
I am the family finance manager
I work
I keep us connected to friends
I veg out on TV
I file
I educate

And I am sure much more. You see that we as women juggle a tremendous amount in our lives. Even without children we juggle a lot. ALL while having washed hair, a little rouge on, and fashionable attire. We make concerted efforts to connect with our friends and family. We are constantly feeling and doing. We don't shut down often, because if we do our worlds would fail. And what has this done? What have we really accomplished? Have we just perpetuated the inequality in society? We have forced everyone to be reliant on us; children, men, friends, family.

I like to think of myself as liberated yet I see I am not. I don't allow equality to enter my life. I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF. I like the punishment maybe? I certainly like the control!

I can't anymore. I refuse to DO IT ALL. I refuse to become the martyr. Today I demand of myself no longer an A+ lifestyle or the I-can-do-it-all woman. I accept B-. I do what is needed and let the rest go. (NOT going to be easy for me, but I have to. I have to force equality this way. I have to find a balance. I accept my responsibilities but will not take on more than that. Or more than I can handle).

Let's see how it goes.

Signed,
Searching for equality Annie

Cleaning Lady

I know I am spoiled. I accept that fact and own it::::: I have not cleaned my house in over 6 years. I've paid for someone else to clean it, but I personally have not scrubbed this place top to bottom.

I mean why would I do anything myself when I have a CEO husband that is essentially my Sugar Daddy? Well, that would be a nasty little thing called a RECESSION. "They" say the recession has ended, yet if I have to fire my house cleaners and do it myself I certainly think there is still a recession going on. H-e-l-l-o! This past weekend was the first time I had to do all 2,700 square feet on my own. It sucked plain and simple. Swiriling toilet bowls, mopping piss, and scrubbing hard water stains is not my idea of a relaxing weekend. I tried to enter into my new role as housecleaner with a get 'er done attitude. Quickly it morphed into I-hate-this-fucking-shit-hole, and why is my family so disgusting and where-are-my-rubber-gloves kind of sucky attitude. I kept thinking to myself, how can one week produce this much grime and dirt? Holy cow...it's like cows live in here! 

So after 2.5 hours of cleaning I still hadn't finished. The upstairs is yet to be vacuumed (I vote to just rip the carpet out all together. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt bacteria is living in there!). Trash cans still need to be emptied and cleaned (how can 3 trash bins get filled up to the point of overflowing with floss, dirty q-tips and snotty kleenex, so quickly?). I hadn't even touched the laundry room. Once upon a time my cleaners would wipe down the machines, mop the floors and scrub out the sink for me. NOT ANY MORE!!!!

By the end of the two hours I was stripped down to my bra and boxer shorts dripping sweat, using the word 'fuck' as an adjective AND a verb, and every muscle in my body hurt. Pretty much I am out of shape and out of practice of cleaning. Ugh. I am going to try cleaning to a playlist next week and hope that helps me make it through with a better attitude. Until then "I HATE THIS FUCKING SHIT HOLE OF A HOUSE and I NEED TO BUY SOME RUBBER GLOVES."

Signed,

The new cleaning lady Annie

(please stay tuned for my next post  about my dinosaur body)

Life Could be a Dream

It helps that this is where I work...not too shabby.

I have a new and welcomed role in my life...my part-time job. I guess I am a writer now. Well, in a certain sense...I make Facebook posts and write blurbs on a blog. Hey, don't snicker this is no joke...companies need 'Social Media' Coordinators, Managers, writers....I am one of those people. It is a new era in marketing/PR and for better or worse it includes the Social Media outlets like Facebook, Twitter, and Blogger. (Good thing I started this blog, it gave me street cred.)

So three weeks in and I am feeling good. Finding my footing and enjoying the process of working. I like having something that is all mine. It is not defined by my role as a mother or as a wife...it is simply mine. Oh, how I needed that in my life. One of my friends said to me, "I lost something of myself in Motherhood." That is exactly how I fell, like a part of me or all of me was lost into Motherhood. This is because I have given myself TOTALLY and completely over to it. I know that it is a good thing yet somehow I didn't hold on to any of who I was...who I am...who I am becoming. So now, through work, I reclaim it. I take back ME. I am finding that doing this for myself is bringing a renewed sense of purpose into my life. I feel confidence coming back, I feel pride, I find more patience with the kids, I see life filled with hope...all this because for the first time in a very long time I am happy.

The job itself has wonderful perks. For instance last night I took one of my best friends of 15 years out for a girls night on the town. We went to the most popular hot spot in Laguna, The Rooftop, for drinks then over for dinner at a new restaurant finished off by a show at the Laguna Playhouse. We had an incredible amount of fun. We chatted about life...we enjoyed a lot of laughs. I kept saying to her, "I cannot believe this is my job! We are out in a beautiful city, eating amazing food, watching the theater and it is all for FREE and it is my job!" The show we saw was perfectly titled, 'Life Could be a Dream.' And it's true, when you decide to take control and change what you are unhappy about in your life it can be a dream!

Signed the working lady,
Annie

Cheers to Me!

In a whirlwind of 6 days I put it out there to the Universe (and my good friend/mentor Lisa) that I was ready to get back into the workforce and now I find myself with a JOB! A real paying legitimate job.....with a desk, a title, AND perks! I have been out of the market for 5.5 years and in my first interview I nail it and get hired on the spot and start working the same day! I am so FUCKING stoked right now. I am beyond words excited. Jittery and full of excitement for what this opportunity holds! I believe, no in fact I KNOW, that this is what I needed. This has been the missing piece for me.

It's difficult when you find yourself with no purpose and no direction. When you feel like you are caught in the whirlpool of sameness. Now I can begin to see my way out. I have an outlet that is ALL MINE, not to be shared with children or husband. My attention can be focused on something outside of my ROLES at home. This I love. This I crave. This I need. This I will never let go of.

What does the future hold, I am not sure? Will this turn out to be a terrible fit and one I regret in a few months, maybe? Will it turn into something more that catapults me to a full time career, maybe? But in this moment I embracing it and holding onto the good feeling as long as it lasts. (Holding onto my wine too!)

So thank you to all of you (5 readers) for your support. I am sure I will have many interesting stories to tell about my experiences!

CHEERS to fucking me,
Annie

Roles...My Rant

Roles. Fucking Roles. Confined by them and told what to do by them. Forever restrained by what "one should" do. Should being the operative word there. Living to the social norms of what is acceptable and expected.

So I wear the hat of the supportive and dutiful wife. My role to care for the home, manage the cash flow, do all the laundry, cleaning, organizing and care taking of 5 people. Of course make sure we have food for 3 meals a day, a beautiful yard, bills sent, dishes cleaned. And don't forget to track the entire family (20 plus people) birthdays, special events, and anniversaries.

Be the beautiful, well spoken and put together business wife. Don't say the wrong thing and don't act like the lunatic that you are. Never be too sensitive, show too much emotion, for God's sake you might seem unstable. Be sure to monitor your alcohol consumption, your crazy political beliefs and radical thoughts----Don't want to scare anyone now.

Be the supportive sister. Tread lightly and don't be too negative. Make sure to call often. Monitor the relations between family---extended and immediate. Make sure everyone is happy and getting along. Don't offend--because then the shit might actually hit the fan..

Mother. Be loving, show and model the ideal woman. Don't fuck them up. Be careful not to yell or be harsh. Read to them, compliment them, feed them, bathe them, teach them, expose them, show them culture. Oh and have the answers for God, heaven, Jesus and the like. They look at you with eyes full of wonder and love. I fail them every G**damn day. I disappoint them at every turn. I fail. I fail. I fail. I fail. This is the only role I genuinely care about and I fuck it up every day.

The Christian. Please act spiritual and righteous. How dare you show compassion to the disenfranchised gays, lesbians, immigrants, atheist, homeless and others like them. Talk the talk and use the lingo. Be sure to say, "I am blessed," "The Lord cares," "I am His child," "I was moved by the spirit." Blah, blah blah. It's all just about sounding holier an more righteous than the next. Lets get real--we are flawed. Not everything is a sin. I have my beliefs, my morals, my ethics. I am a believer in God, but I am not going to conform to your Bible humping psycho babble. I'm not going to live in the rigidity of black and white.

Roles. Fucking Roles.

Signed

-Annie