Thirty-Three and Me

Today is my Birthday! Hurray! Woot! Hollar!
ummmmmm....I think I'm happy about turning 33?

I really don't feel extremely happy or depressed about it. I just am. After having kids birthdays don't seem so special for me anymore. And after your milestone years of 21 and 30 there's not much to look forward to except 40! AND THAT is something I DO NOT want to think about yet.

Though I feel complacent about turning 33, I am looking forward to my weekend escape. Under the guise of "birthday weekend" I'm ditching the laundry, broom, apron, minivan and kids for an airplane headed to San Francisco! Visiting my baby brother and enjoying one of the more amazing cities in the USA. The last time I spent any significant time in the City was three years ago with "my girls" for our 30th birthday. THAT was a trip I will NEVER forget....

Now three years deep into the 30's, a little wiser and more self confidant I return to the City to see family, friends and enjoy all she has to offer. I relish these escapes I get from life...vacations...get-a-ways....time off. I hold them close and count the minutes until the next time.

So cheers and I'll see you when I return!

Signed,
Annie

Equality?

Are we as women truly treated equally? I am serious here. Take a moment and think about it? Does society treat us fairly? Do we treat each other fairly?

I have written before about ROLES and I have ranted about them too. As I write this I don't rage or rant rather I ask the serious question if we as women are doing ourselves a disservice when we take on the majority of the work load for our families. I see this played out all the time. I know there are exceptions to the rules, and I love seeing those, but mostly I see us women working our asses off to please our men, care for our children, ourselves, and our friends. We do it all! Once we were the 50's housewife. Now we are that AND some!



Here is my inventory:


I organize (5 peoples LIVES and SHIT)
I clothe 5 people
I research my interest
I manage the social, medical, and work calendars
I am the party planner
I am the family photographer
I discipline
I listen to music
I manage 3 children's schedules
I manage the household nutrition (menu plan, shop, cook)
I am the family finance manager
I work
I keep us connected to friends
I veg out on TV
I file
I educate

And I am sure much more. You see that we as women juggle a tremendous amount in our lives. Even without children we juggle a lot. ALL while having washed hair, a little rouge on, and fashionable attire. We make concerted efforts to connect with our friends and family. We are constantly feeling and doing. We don't shut down often, because if we do our worlds would fail. And what has this done? What have we really accomplished? Have we just perpetuated the inequality in society? We have forced everyone to be reliant on us; children, men, friends, family.

I like to think of myself as liberated yet I see I am not. I don't allow equality to enter my life. I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF. I like the punishment maybe? I certainly like the control!

I can't anymore. I refuse to DO IT ALL. I refuse to become the martyr. Today I demand of myself no longer an A+ lifestyle or the I-can-do-it-all woman. I accept B-. I do what is needed and let the rest go. (NOT going to be easy for me, but I have to. I have to force equality this way. I have to find a balance. I accept my responsibilities but will not take on more than that. Or more than I can handle).

Let's see how it goes.

Signed,
Searching for equality Annie

Raging Storm

The rain pours down hard. The sky lost its blue beauty and rushed to grey all to quickly, I didn't even have time to say goodbye. I started to feel a bit reflective...

Lately I've been forced to confront the central issue of what this blog has become: Life Does Not Turn Out Like You Planned. We all grow up with dreams and hopes. Constructing visions of what our lives will be like. Some of which are created from desire, but at the same time greatly influenced by what society tells us we 'should' desire. Then we move forward and make choices. We follow a path laid before us. And then LIFE....boom...we are living it.  We are on a path built out of part choice. I say part, because do we REALLY truly choose our lives or are they chosen for us? (Well at least up to a certain point. Meaning I didn't choose to have a divorced family. I didn't choose my religious upbringing, etc. You get where I am going.) How do you reconcile when the life you lead does not match up to the life you imagined and created in your dreams? Isn't that one of the big questions we all have? Isn't that where the tension of life lies? For me it is, and maybe for you too.

What do we do with that tension? I have no idea.
What I do know is this. I choose to start taking control of my life choices. I choose to find happiness where ever I can. I realize I must work through my past in the present. I cannot live in the 'what if', regret, or in the promises of the future. I must grasp the moment I am in. I must embrace who I was and who I have become. The truth is that I would not be ME without the past and the present.

As the storm rages on outside my window and I meditate under the glow of this computer screen, I take joy in knowing the storm inside me just might be calming.

Signed
Annie

Weddings in your 30s

...was the title of an article in one of my Bridal magazines.

Beauty Tips:
Hide those wrinkles because they're starting to show.

Are you kidding me? Oh yeah! The magazine has all sorts of talk about ways to conceal those wrinkles and sun spots that are starting to show from those days in your teens and 20s when you could spend all day at the beach without sunscreen and still have perfect skin. In fact, i don't know about you but I always thought (and actually still think) that Vitamin D from the sun is good for my skin. Doesn't that mean that the longer I lay out, the less chance of a breakout?
And then there's the hair. Gone are the pretty curls cascading down your back, or wisping around from an updo. it's time for the classic, elegant, slick back (to show off all that concealer on your face, that's probably why they're seriously recommending it).

Bridesmaids:
Have less of them. Basically they say that by this time most of your friends have children and might not be able to get a sitter.
Choose dresses that will look good on friends who might be pregnant.

Wow, that kind of sucks. But I decided I'm only having two - my sister and my best friend of 25 years. Neither have kids and it would be cool if my sister is pregnant! She would love nothing more than to have a dress to show off she has a baby in her belly.

Wedding:
Destination Weddings. Chances are, they say, this is your second or third wedding and Mom and Dad are no longer paying for it. In this case, when the bride and groom have to fork out the money, combine it with the honeymoon. This will limit the guest list significantly, unless you have a bunch of friends and family who are dying to get out of town and your wedding is the perfect excuse.

That would be cool if my fiancee and I could even get off work for a long period of time. One thing they forgot to mention is how people in their 30s can't just go and take off on a long honeymoon if they have very demanding careers. In our industry, we are going to have to wait to take our honeymoon until the winter holidays when Hollywood literally shuts down. I've had producer friends hold off on their weddings because they were always traveling for business, to film festivals, for this premiere, that premier.  I've talked to other friends who got married and waited two years to have a reception. Really, these days, this age, and in this economy, etiquette goes out the wedding. Do what you can do.

Wow, I feel really old. To make it worse, they had articles for "Weddings in your 20s" and "Weddings in your 40s". I was so far off from the "20s" and not THAT far off from the "40s". Waaaahhh! But you know, it's true. As much as I want to have a party, I just cannot reason with saving thousands of dollars to put toward one day, when with that money I can pay down the debt I accrued from my first marriage. (What a mistake!) Even for my first wedding, I made the location far away to avoid having a ton of guests, and the wedding was still well over twenty grand. However, this is Brad's first wedding, and you think he was a girl, or sorry, "a woman in her 30s" the way he's been acting about it. He's concerned that the less guests we have, the less chances there are for registering for gifts. It's really not so much about the gifts themselves, as it is, he just wants to go shopping for our registries. Uh huh! Then there's the issue that he wants to invite his whole family and all his friends, and not to mention some co-workers. And he doesn't mind spending his hard-earned money. He's willing to spend his savings on this big day. He also wonders if, since i bought my wedding dress, if he now can go shopping for his tuxedo!!!! Yes, he wants to BUY one, since in the business we work, there are enough events to make it worth owing a tuxedo. I've even showed him the numbers it would cost us to have the guest list he proposes (which isn't even that high number-wise, but still) and he just shrugs and says, "Whatever you want..." after just saying, "Oh, but I have to invite so-and-so because he/she invited me to his/her wedding."

Despite all this, I have to say that there are two things that excite me about getting married in my 30s! I'm probably in the best shape ever and my dress looks ROCKIN' on me! And second, I'm marrying my first, true and real love! It feels like the first time because I feel mature enough and finally ready for a marriage and family.

Peace Out and wish me luck with my diva fiancee!

-
Signed,
Marcieanna Jasko