Where I'm Going

My last post was a poem and it was something that I had not planned on writing, instead it poured out of me. I hadn't experienced this kind of "thing" before. I don't consider myself one prone to artistic sensibilities. Yet, there I found myself writing about my heart and soul...


Anyway some of you that occasionally read this blog have responded with what I can only see as love. Instead of it scaring you off into avoidance you sent me love. You see I have a hard time showing vulnerability because I tend to see it as weakness. (I don't like to appear weak.) Though over these past two years and especially in the past 3 months I realize I am full of raw unapologetic emotion.  And this emotion I have does not make me weak it makes me human and ALIVE.


You that have reached out to me and have stood by me through it all I dedicate this song to you.You have taken my hand because you know what I am going through. 


Some of you have had loss...loss of a pregnancy, marriage, or friends. Others have seen tragedy. Others dealing with chronic illness. Even a near death experience or a mother who's fought off cancer. You, my friends, have showed me that no matter what life brings in our paths we can stand together. So I offer you my hand because I know what you are going through...






Signed, 
Annie


Where I'm going I don't know but come with me...

Expectations

In this up and down emotional state that I am in recently I have come to the realizations that I need to start managing my expectations. The expectations of not only myself but of others. So I'm trying to expect less of myself...less than perfection. Why do I have to have a clean house? Fuck it. Why do I need to be up to date on pop culture? Fuck it. Why do I need to be the calm mom all the time with the kids? Fuck it. Why do I need to always comply? Fuck it. Why do I need to care so much about what others think of me? Fuck it. If I screw up and disappoint all those around me, that's life. If I've changed and you don't like it, FUCK YOU.

Others, I expect a lot of you. I expect a lot from friends and even more from family. I realized that I put unrealistic expectations on how I want others to function in their lives. If I expect perfection from myself it does not mean others have to as well. So FUCK IT! If you don't call me back I am not going to assume you're upset with me. If you don't do the fucking dishes that are staring at your face, I don't care. Maybe you're going blind? If you walk away from me, I don't care. Possibly you didn't hear me. And so on.

On a positive note I am also learning to appreciate my friends more than ever. I am recognizing that I NEED them in my life. I can see that these women in my life (you know who you are) I cannot survive without. They are my foundation. They are my strength. Thank you. I don't say that enough. Thank you for your continued support. Thank you for your acceptance. Thank you for your advice. Thank you for standing by me and never letting me fall too low. I don't think I could survive without your love.

Fucking it all,
Annie

Hope none of you are too offended by the 9x's I said Fuck in this post. Now 10x's.