I GET KNOCKED DOWN, AND I GET UP AGAIN

Let's try this blog again.

Since my last blog, life has really changed (as if it had not changed enough this summer with the new job, the engagement, and the new living situation). Those were positive changes, at first. Now, I wonder if they were all bad decisions. I wonder if someone (God, maybe) is trying to tell me something...

I say that because immediately following my move-in with Brad, I have suffered some serious blows. I get knocked down, and just when I get up, I get knocked down again, then back up again, and so on...

Until today, I don't think I have been ready to share any of it. It's not that things are getting better, I think they are actually getting worse, which is why I'm desperate for words of encouragement. I think maybe writing about it will help. It always has in the past.

I don't want to dump everything out in this one blog. I think I will go back to where I left off and bit by bit, blog by blog, record what has happened in chronological order. It will be somewhat like therapy, I hope, to revisit the events of the recent past and face it all over again.

In summary, there has been a car accident, post traumatic stress, depression, relationship strain, fraud on my bank account, a recent robbery in my home, more relationship strain, finding out my ex is married with a newborn baby, insane job stress, and bankruptcy (which I'm not ashamed to admit).

So let's go back now in time...August 4th was my last blog, when I was trying to get up the strength and will-power to go to the gym. It is so crazy, that the very next day, the downhill slide began.The very next morning, August 5th, I called up my fellow blogger, Anne-Marie, and she asked, "Well, did you get to the gym..." I shared that indeed I got there, and that blogging about it actually helped. Then as we started to discuss some personal stuff that I probably would have blogged about that evening...the unthinkable happened...SCREECH, BANG, SMASH!!!! I was in an accident...and that's exactly what I mumbled to Anne-Marie who was on the phone and heard everything. Then the line went dead...

It's a miracle, that that's all that went dead that day, and that it wasn't me, nor the cop I smashed into. My car, the cop's car, hit nose to nose. It was a head on collision. A Dodge Charger and a Saturn. Both automobiles smashed all the way to their windshields.

I want to write more about this tomorrow, and i hate to leave you hanging now, but I want to revisit this when I can upload the photo of what my car looked like. Only then can you fully grasp what occured on August 5th, the day after my last blog.

All I wanted to say tonight is that...though I keep getting knocked down, here I am, back up again...and ready to share with you...hopefully by doing so, it will help change the course of events...

Signed,

M