The rain pours down hard. The sky lost its blue beauty and rushed to grey all to quickly, I didn't even have time to say goodbye. I started to feel a bit reflective...
Lately I've been forced to confront the central issue of what this blog has become: Life Does Not Turn Out Like You Planned. We all grow up with dreams and hopes. Constructing visions of what our lives will be like. Some of which are created from desire, but at the same time greatly influenced by what society tells us we 'should' desire. Then we move forward and make choices. We follow a path laid before us. And then LIFE....boom...we are living it. We are on a path built out of part choice. I say part, because do we REALLY truly choose our lives or are they chosen for us? (Well at least up to a certain point. Meaning I didn't choose to have a divorced family. I didn't choose my religious upbringing, etc. You get where I am going.) How do you reconcile when the life you lead does not match up to the life you imagined and created in your dreams? Isn't that one of the big questions we all have? Isn't that where the tension of life lies? For me it is, and maybe for you too.
What do we do with that tension? I have no idea.
What I do know is this. I choose to start taking control of my life choices. I choose to find happiness where ever I can. I realize I must work through my past in the present. I cannot live in the 'what if', regret, or in the promises of the future. I must grasp the moment I am in. I must embrace who I was and who I have become. The truth is that I would not be ME without the past and the present.
As the storm rages on outside my window and I meditate under the glow of this computer screen, I take joy in knowing the storm inside me just might be calming.
Signed
Annie
Lovin' your last two paragraphs! "I cannot live in the 'what if', regret, or in the promises of the future. I must grasp the moment I am in." So true, girl - no point dwelling on things that can't be changed. What u said reminded me of the Serenity Prayer:
ReplyDeleteGod grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Here's to praying that the storm stirring within you finds the peace it's looking for...XOXO
Thanks Kit!
ReplyDeleteThe Serenity Prayer is one of my favorites!
AND, this song I SCREAM out in the car! My new anthem!!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL0qsuKApZY&feature=related
Pink, 'Fucking Perfect'
OH, you know that feeling when you're anticipating something really exciting (think: breakthrough) so it feels a little like butterflies in your stomach, but with a tinge of hope?
ReplyDeleteThat's it. That's what I have right now.
I want to write more but I want to keep reading, I'm so far behind.
We've talked before, I'm probably an annoying broken record at this point. GAH, the poisonous taste of "why that? why me?"...leaves me nauseated. Now...after avidly voiding it for most of my life, I realize it's important to recognize when we've been let down in life.
I guess then you gain some perspective. Like, here's what really fucking sucked. It hurt, it broke my heart, it broke my spirit. Now I know what that looks like. As as artist, once I recognize the antithesis of a thing, I can create the ultimate opposite beauty. Humans are able to flesh that out, it's an amazing ability. So...I guess I encourage you...recognize those let downs, see them for what they are. Then formulate the most beautiful opposite and fucking go for it.
Sassy I liked when you said, "recognize those let downs, see them for what they are. Then formulate the most beautiful opposite and fucking go for it."
ReplyDeleteThat is what I feel I have been doing and working towards this last year or so. A hard and HONEST path to travel, but the end result is a more authentic self. Sounds very cliche and therap-y yet it is TRUTH. All we can do is control our own actions and reactions. To monitor our own feelings and the rest...well...the rest is just there. We don't need to control it or manage it.
Thanks for your encouragement and you are NOT a broken record!!!