Thursday, May 6, 2010

Roles...My Rant

Roles. Fucking Roles. Confined by them and told what to do by them. Forever restrained by what "one should" do. Should being the operative word there. Living to the social norms of what is acceptable and expected.

So I wear the hat of the supportive and dutiful wife. My role to care for the home, manage the cash flow, do all the laundry, cleaning, organizing and care taking of 5 people. Of course make sure we have food for 3 meals a day, a beautiful yard, bills sent, dishes cleaned. And don't forget to track the entire family (20 plus people) birthdays, special events, and anniversaries.

Be the beautiful, well spoken and put together business wife. Don't say the wrong thing and don't act like the lunatic that you are. Never be too sensitive, show too much emotion, for God's sake you might seem unstable. Be sure to monitor your alcohol consumption, your crazy political beliefs and radical thoughts----Don't want to scare anyone now.

Be the supportive sister. Tread lightly and don't be too negative. Make sure to call often. Monitor the relations between family---extended and immediate. Make sure everyone is happy and getting along. Don't offend--because then the shit might actually hit the fan..

Mother. Be loving, show and model the ideal woman. Don't fuck them up. Be careful not to yell or be harsh. Read to them, compliment them, feed them, bathe them, teach them, expose them, show them culture. Oh and have the answers for God, heaven, Jesus and the like. They look at you with eyes full of wonder and love. I fail them every G**damn day. I disappoint them at every turn. I fail. I fail. I fail. I fail. This is the only role I genuinely care about and I fuck it up every day.

The Christian. Please act spiritual and righteous. How dare you show compassion to the disenfranchised gays, lesbians, immigrants, atheist, homeless and others like them. Talk the talk and use the lingo. Be sure to say, "I am blessed," "The Lord cares," "I am His child," "I was moved by the spirit." Blah, blah blah. It's all just about sounding holier an more righteous than the next. Lets get real--we are flawed. Not everything is a sin. I have my beliefs, my morals, my ethics. I am a believer in God, but I am not going to conform to your Bible humping psycho babble. I'm not going to live in the rigidity of black and white.

Roles. Fucking Roles.



  1. So, yes I did say "Bible Humping." I tend to mess up some of those phrases...and I know now it is "Bible Thumping."
    I am going to leave it as is cause I do think it is funny.


  2. I am glad you found a safe place to vent. But try to give yourself a break, if you can. You can't be everything to everyone all the time. Easy for the single woman to say, I know. I'm a workaholic trying to make everyone happy, and trying to be a good girlfriend, when these days I'm so very absent emotionally and physically. It doesn't compare to you, I no longer have the ideals to live up to. And even tonight I was going to try to go to a Bible Study, but you know what, life happened today and I'm too emotional to leave the house. I should do the right thing, but who's to really say going to Bible Study is the right thing. Probably better to be with myself enjoying a book, or writing like I am right now. Some people might say that is just what IS wrong with me, that I SHOULD be going to Church, or giving time to GOD, and then I would be happier, but sorry, I am not going to do something just because others THINK it's right. So what I'm trying to say is, don't forget to look after yourself as much as you're looking after everyone else. Sounds new age, therapy-ish - well, it's not, it's just called being practical and finding balance.

  3. I need to stop commenting on these because I look like a stalker. But...I have a list because I relate to this post so much that I'm jumping out of my seat. Really.

    My list:

    1. Bible Humping is my new favorite phase.

    2. I could hug your face for the whole paragraph about being a Mom. Seriously, it's like you just wrote what I've been trying to say for years. What a relief that you said it, and with the same kind of humor I would've wanted to say it with. BRAVO.

    2.1 You're a great mom. Otherwise you couldn't have written something so true. Logic is funky like that.

    3. "Don't say the wrong thing and don't act like the lunatic that you are." SIGH. I know, right?? I struggle with this, daily.

    Thanks for writing this stuff, I really mean it. =)

  4. @Pegg-Ahhh, girl I am so glad that you liked this post. It really was the most vulnerable and honest thing I have written. I mean, you knew me back in the day! The fearful, caged little bird that I was....

    So glad you can appreciate the humor in all of this too!!!