Sunday, May 30, 2010
When Breathing Doesn't Work
For the 5 of you that follow this blog...
I posted earlier in the week about breathing and how I am trying to use the breathing to get me through it all. But lets be honest sometimes (or a lot of the time) it just doesn't work! So what does one do in these times? I am not sure what all of you do but I take Xanex! That sweet little pill that calms the pulse, quiets the brain, and brings on relaxation. Hey, I have no shame in my dependency on this white pill. I have been taking it for about 5 years...yes that would be about how long I've been a mother. The pill has become apart of the daily routine of survival here in the Schiefer household, much like coffee, TV, and tequila. I will skip brushing my teeth (don't judge) but I will NEVER miss swallowing my sweet little friend.
All of this to say that yesterday the fam and I went to meet some friends up in Costa Mesa for dinner. I admit I was feeling pretty anxious most of the day, so before we left I took a half of xanex to just calm the spirits. Usually I don't take the little man during the day, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. When the twins have run wild and smeared poo all over their rooms, or the baby has only taken a 30 minute nap, or you haven't showered, your face is erupting like a volcano, you haven't shaved in a week and it's 80 degrees and all you want to do is wear shorts but instead end up in dirty jeans you might need some relief. I am just saying, these things can drive a person crazy. So I reached for the pill bottle and took my relief. I was feeling good. I was feeling calm and I was breathing. Anyhow, we get to the restaurant and Hubs asks me to order, gladly I say. Then while in line he brings me one of the kids and says she needs to go to the bathroom....I look at him with the look of "So, take her!" Instead he gives me the look of, "I don't want to." So I relent and take her. I come out of the bathroom to see him ordering food...fine I think, I hope he knows what he is doing. Long story longer, it wasn't right and I was pissed. There he is sitting with his lovely dinner watching me lug the kids, the highchair and myself across the room to get everyone eating. After 13 years together I guess he still doesn't know what I like OR don't like to eat (HELLO I DON'T EAT MOLDED CHEESE!)
I admit I coped an attitude. I did, I was a bit bitchy. But deal....Instead he lobed this one at me, "Maybe you need to take some Xanex and calm down!" I reply oh so calmly, "I already did dear before we came." He laughed, the friends laughed (very uncomfortably), and I felt vindicated. Why? Because even the Xanex cannot protect him from the bitch inside his wife when he annoys her!
Annie, the Xanex taking bitch